MY WIFE took me to The Repair Shop,
With a blanket over my head.
“What’s the trouble?” a young man asked.
“He’s a bit run down,”she said.
“His knees creak, and his back’s weak,
And his hair is really quite grey, and
If I gave him the choice and left him alone,
he’d sit in an armchair all day.”
“I can see,” said the man, “that he’s lived
Quite a life, but we’ll try and work out what to do.
Leave him with us, and we’ll fix him up
With a splashing of paint and some glue.”
Well, what happened next, it got me quite vexed,
They took me apart on a bench, and prodded
And poked me and damn nearly choked me
With an industrial clamp and a wrench.
Bad turned to worse (and this made me curse)
When they got into my head and went searching
But all that they found was 23 pound, an owl and
A sort of sea urchin.
After a while, and yes you may smile,
I began to feel rather good.
The varnish was on, the tarnish had gone,
and I had shiny new teeth, made of wood.
“He’s a doll,” said my wife, “you’ve quite
Changed my life. I’ll keep him outside
In the shed, and I’ll charge 20p for tourists
To see the man who came back from the dead.”